1. |
Ottarnic Pond
02:22
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It's peaceful out here
Lord knows I need this
And I don't want to live like this anymore
And I don't deserve to live like this anymore
I need peace out here
Lord knows I need this
And I don't deserve to live like this anymore
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2. |
The Pragmatist
03:50
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This here's a simple song to sing some words and right some wrongs
and to tell you how I feel
It might sound kinda stupid, it is kinda stupid,
but that doesn't mean it's not worth singing
Move along, fair-weathered friend,
I'll be okay in the end,
or stay, and I'll pretend not to give two shits
And when you're feeling down, remember to frown,
cuz that's just how life is sometimes.
I think you'd look really great standin' by my side,
but that's also kinda trivial
and if you're scared, know I'm also scared,
but all humans get scared, and we're kinda dumb about it
So move along, fair-weathered friend,
I'll be okay in the end,
or stay, and I'll pretend not to give two shits
And when you're feeling down, remember to frown,
cuz that's just how life is sometimes
[Whistle solo!!!]
I'm a big cry baby with too much love in my heart
and I always forget to keep things in perspective
love is kinda stupid, and kisses are also kinda stupid,
and I'm stupid for even writing this song about you
So move along, fair-weathered friend
I'll make myself okay in the end
even though I'll really miss your company
The future is untold, the past is getting old,
and the present, well,
I don't know what I expected.
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3. |
Interlude 1
00:12
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4. |
East Coast Thoughts
01:42
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It's taking all my fucking self control to keep from pushing you away
writing songs that sound as if you wrote them to keep my heart at bay
it's a quarter to one on a Sunday night,
and I'm sweatin' off the sleep
tryna' make up rhymes to pass the time that I can hardly keep
oh, won't you sing me to sleep
My mind's a mess, my thought's a blur,
and nothin' sounds too good,
but I'm smokin' squares at 3am
regardless of whether I should
last Saturday, you were miles away, but you crept up on me fast
I still pretend I'm just a good friend just to try to make it last
oh, I don't think I'll last.
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5. |
Spring Cleaning
03:50
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Waitin' for you to come home
who knew it'd take this long?
Can't read the maps and road signs nearly right
when you've got somebody to hold you tight
Maybe we're just too young for our own good
makin' messes just like we should
maybe I'm just a mess,
but you're cleanin' up the rest
spring cleanin' at it's best
Money spent on caffeine and that burnin' nicotine
breathe you into my soul
oh your lovin', sweet lovin' is all I know
Maybe we're just too reckless for our own good
makin' messes just like we should
maybe I'm just a mess,
but you're cleanin' up the rest
spring cleanin' at it's best
You scare me
like the future does a boy
like a candle does to night
you flicker in and out of sight
"you" is all I can write
my heart won't bite, so
Too bad you're just too damn careful for your own good
runnin' away just like you think you should
it's a shame you're lettin' go,
fear's a friend, oh, don't you know
didn't your father tell you so?
Too bad we're just too young for our own good
fallin' in love just like we should
too bad I'm not really a mess
just hard to read, so take a guess
spring cleaning at it's best
I'm trying my best
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6. |
Give It Time
03:45
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Running off in the dark
leaving us to guess your part
driveway smokes at 4am
wondering what we did again
up and out and on the road
we've got no place to go
so we'll drive all the way to hell and back
with nothing but our wits and the clothes on our backs
Sitting down and freaking out
learning what we're all about
"I don't know and I don't care"
won't get you anywhere
you're asleep at the wheel
trying hard to fucking feel like you're living
the dominoes collapse, all the chains are broken
some things are not better left unspoken
We can't sleep until we're free
Freedom ain't free
You are not freedom to me
Stomach twisted into knots
vision blurred with blackened spots
where could you fucking be?
the answer is beyond me
you were high, I was low
now we're both just fucking slow
so we cling to our dreams like real sensations
while we kill our hearts with anticipations
You are not freedom to me
Freedom ain't free
You are not freedom to me
Waking up all alone
you're still not home
This is the waiting song
I've waited all along
So cut to the chase, don't waste my time
The hours pass, but I'll be fine
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7. |
Interlude 2
00:21
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8. |
Living in Yellow
04:44
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You are art
you are art
in my heart
on the walls of my ventricals
tear them down
tear them down
Let me in
we can sin
fuck me hard
in the car we slept in
please, don't go
please, don't go
I am happy finally
let's clean up
all the debris
you can trust me
life may be a game,
but that doesn't mean our fates are all the same
We are bad, and we are trying
we are young, and we are crying
we are scared, and we are dying to pretend
we are broke, and we are healing
we are sick, and we are feeling
my head is reeling once again
once again
This is real, and we are alive
you are electric inside
what a way to decide what to say
sex is good, the room is spinning
this is just the beginning
fuck life's game, we are winning
oh, what a day
what do you say?
what do you say?
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9. |
To Be Honest
03:53
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I scared you away
but I want you to stay
and why didn't you say
that my words made you decay?
We're buckled on bridges and hopes
pretending that that's all she wrote
I walked by your house
filled with phantom kisses and doubts
we're fading, we're going nowhere
I could fix it, but who's supposed to care?
I always do this.
If I could've gotten you to speak,
if I could've twisted those thoughts out of you
then I know I could've worked my way out of this,
but you wouldn't.
And all along, I was trying to decide
if it was okay to hold your hand
or if you wanted me like I wanted you.
But you wouldn't.
You wouldn't look at me, you wouldn't talk,
you wouldn't speak.
You just stood there, and breathed, and waited.
And by the time we reached the lake,
bracing the fresh water winds,
standing in the silence,
drowning with the tides,
I knew
I wanted to jump for you.
I scared you away,
but do you think you could stay?
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10. |
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You heard my voice when no one else would
and I'm scared to death
you sang me to sleep when the spout of my lullabies ran dry
oh, I hate goodbyes
Throwin' stones at broken dreams
are you really as lovely as you seem?
I can't find a way to say I hope it's you who stays
And when the lights go out,
will it be you and me?
Oh, we'll see
I am petrified of living with or without your love
Oh, soul searcher, I think you've found me
Oh, I can't sleep
Please don't hate me
I know all the secrets you tell
Here I go, diving for quarters in wishing wells
Oh, I know you stranger
no longer a stranger
not to you, and not to me
damaged goods no real human should keep
To the alien, from the freak:
thank you for hearing me.
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11. |
Interlude 3
00:09
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12. |
Lakeside Prayer
03:51
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Now I lay me down to sleep
and I pray the Lord my soul do not keep
cuz every time I close my eyes, I see you smile
and I wouldn't mind not waking up for a while
I lose my mind every time
I know I try too hard
and I'm wasting life just sitting by and falling apart
I wonder why I can't decide if I should stay
don't be surprised when I don't believe you when you say
it'll be okay
To think of you, it makes me blue,
and I'm going insane
and I'm sick and tired,
I'm sick and tired of the same old thing
It's hard to eat, it's hard to sleep,
and I know you're why
don't be surprised when I don't believe you when you say
it's not goodbye
Oh Lord, you're why
I'm wishing on Lakeshore Drive
Oh, Lord, don't wake me this time.
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The Uncertainty Index Chicago, Illinois
I have written many songs in my lifetime. None of them were written with any stability. I was always different when I
created each album.
And so, each album is written by a different version of myself. One person. Much music. Many identities.
Enjoy the index of my life. May all intrigue and comfort you.
... more
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